BatFest 2007 was a TOTAL RIP OFF

The best part of the day, a dreaded Mose-Bat.

Hello loyal readers! I need to get something off my chest. This might take a while....

As many of you are surely aware Austin is well known for its fuana, probably the most famous animals in our fair city are the South Congress Bridge bats. These Mexican Free-Tailed bats live in their millions under the main bridge that connects North and South Austin. Any summer night (they migrate south in the winter) you can go and see them by waiting under the bridge (risking getting showered in bat excrement) or by standing on the bridge and looking over the edge. The bat colony leaves its bridgey home at dusk and winds like a giant amorphous gray ribbon down the Colorado River consuming tens millions of insects as it goes. On a good night it can be an awesome sight.

For three years now the City has held a "BatFest" to celebrate our winged neighbors. The event is promoted as a time to celebrate bats and raise awarenss of the need to protect them. This year the festival was suppose to include 1) live captive bats for people to get an up-close look, 2) special bat lights so that photographers could get better bat pics -its hard in the dark of evening to capture the fast flying mammels- and, 3) extensive bat information where naturalists could teach people about bats.

A dead bat I paid five dollars to see.

Actually the dead bat pictured above was the only one I saw "up close." My brother and I arrived at the bridge around five thirty. We had about three hours before the bats started stirring but, undeterred by the rain, we thought we'd take in the sights. It turned out there was a four dollar fee to get on the bridge. I asked a heavy set lady selling tickets if the bats might not come out early because of the rain. She seemed upset by my question and said "well thats up to the bats." Her attitude seemd a little hostile.

More hostile still were the legions of security gaurds who stalked the perimiter of BatFest 2007, ensuring that no one approached the public bridge without paying. These were not sleepy old timers with flashlights and large key chains hanging from their belts. You know, the kind meant to keep an eye out for teenage delinquency. No, these gaurds looked more looked more like boot-camp rejects, each with their own unique handicap (mental or physical) that had kept them out of the armed services or honest police work. Still, each guard had a shiny badge (that could have passed for a real badge) and a fancy SIDE ARM. And each stood at the entrance giving all the newcomers the glaring of a lifetime. I had never felt more protected from bats in my life.

It soon became very clear that the BatFest 2007 was simply a ploy to corral people onto a bridge and force them to pay too much for beer, burgers, and hotdogs. Not to mention all the ridiculous merchandise being hawked by various carnies. I asked another employee (who looked like the twin of the first lady) where the captive bats were. She said, "well we sure have a lot of vendors in there with all sorts of things to offer." Her tone suggested that she thought I was mentally retarded. I tried to explain that live captive bats had been advertised as an attraction but she really didn't seem to understand.

When I finally located the bat info booth to ask the "naturalists" or "bat enthusiasts" about the captive bats they mumbled "oh yeah they're not here today." Then they said they had a "Taxidermied" bat (a dried up bat in a plastic box) that I could look at. That was it. No other info. Nothing more than a huge donation jar.

Fortunately we still had the Bat Lights available so that, once the time was right, I could take awesome pictures for you, my loyal readers. It would be another couple of hours before the bats began to stir so my brother and I decided to get away from the rain and overpriced beer for a while until the time was right. Upon approaching the exit, however, we saw that leaving BatFest wouldn't be that simple. It seemed the ticket stubs we had bought upon entering would not allow us to leave and come back to the fest. Instead the cynical and avaricious corporate paymasters of BatFest 2007 had decided to levy another $1.00 charge for anyone who wished to return after leaving the bridge, they called this the "bat Visa" or some such nonsense.

"You mean to tell me that we are getting charged again if we want to come back when the bats come out?" I asked a third look-alike who was working the exit.

"Yes," she smiled, "if you want to buy the bat Visa."

"Who decided that was a good idea?" I asked.

She tried to make a joke of it. "The bats decided," she giggled, "nobody knows what they're up to."

The bats must be some greedy fuckers, I thought.

"This is really shameful," I said, "I really feel taken advantage of." I fished for the two extra bucks that would let us back in. It was impossible to leave and come back later with your stubs if you decided later to pay the extra to return. You had to pay the extra right then and there or pay the full entry again later on. I said I didn't have any money right then and would come back with it if I decided to return. The fat lady, whose smile I had finally managed to vanquish, sullenly pointed to an ATM. "I don't think I'll use that," I said, "I figure it will proably have at least a three dollar surcharge." My brother paid the money and we went to hide from the rain for a couple hours.

Drink responsibly? We couldn't afford to drink at all!

Well I'm sure you know how the story ends. We returned to BatFest to find that the bats, in their infinite wisdom, wanted nothing to do with the preceedings. They flew in all directions except where the helpful "bat lights" were pointed, fleeing from the collective gaze of the drunken masses while obnoxious metal and jock rock blared from the two stages. At least Tom and I had the forsight to leave early and rent a video.



The sad thing is, BatFest is a really cool idea, but somewhere, somehow it went horribly wrong. I could use the fest as a metaphor for the corporatization of our fair city (in my mind, I did) but I won't annoy you with all that. Simply put, BatFest is the only two days in Austin when you have to pay to see the Congress Bridge bats. It is that and nothing more.

A dreaded Tom-Bat.